shaylyn

Depression has set back in.  I hate it. I hate crying at the drop of a hat but I cannot control it. My anti-depressants don’t seem to be doing the trick right now. All I want to do is sleep and eat. That’s not good. I missed work on Tuesday and sleep all day. I was sick but I could have stayed at work I just decided to go home instead and sleep. I almost didn’t go to work on Wednesday but my husband pushed me too knowing that I needed it and I needed to go in.

Of all times for this to set in I have my audit next week. Blah! I have a year pass since I was only here for 4 months last year my boss says any mistakes we will blame on the girl before me. (she made enough of them that I have caught already).

Anyway, I guess I better get to work. I really don’t feel like it and coffee is not helping today. No matter how much I drink to wake me up it does not seem to be working. Ok, Have a great day buddies.

So I haven’t posted in a few day cause things have been busy at work. But today the boss is gone to a breakfast meeting, it is a half day and I really don’t want to work so I am going to blog.

Life is going good. Only 3 more payments on the car and we are done. After that we are putting more money on a loan that we have that is right at 4000. That will pay that off earlier. We are looking at moving (cause they upped our rent again, third time in 1 1/2 years, seems to be a every 6 month thing) but we will not go far from where we are. I think only across the street. The job could not be better. Even with the audit coming up next Monday I think things are going well. I have to have everyone in the office do a time study (that is were you right down how much time you have spent on a task each day, there are 4 categories and all we need is a percentage of how much time you think you spent. Not that hard) but my co-worker (who is on vacation this week) will not like it. I have already told that boss that we have to do it and he is fine with it. But Amanda will not be.

All is going well except my weight. Why can’t I seem to lose any more weight. I am sticking to my diet, trying to exercise but it seems like an up hill battle all the way. Sometimes I want to throw my hands up in the air and say screw it I give up.  I know I can’t do that, I know the weight will eventually come off but shot it is taking forever. It only took me 3 months to put on 30 lbs (cause of medication, that I am off of now) and it seems like it is going to take me a year just to take off 10 lbs. I don’t want to go at this slow of a rate but I don’t have time to hit the gym everyday or run everyday. I work all day then when I am done I am just whipped. I then have to go home, eat something, get my clothes and lunch ready for the next day plus try to spend a little time with my husband. By the time I have done all of that it is time for me to go to bed and get a good nights sleep in order to start the next day. I have to figure something out cause what I am doing now is not working. If I eat less I will starve!

Ok enough complaining other than my weight my life is good. I will figure something out with regards to working out. I may just start getting up earlier and running or something like that. ( but then I would have to go to bed earlier and lose time with the hubby). I will figure it out. Just maybe not right this second. 

I hope everyone has a great day and an even better weekend. 

My boss brought in banana bread and I just had to have a piece, then another, then another. I was so bad… but it was so good. He is a great cook and I can’t resist when he bring something in. He said it was good for me with low fat butter and good stuff all in it. But I have to wonder. I have tuna and crackers for lunch so that should balance out what I ate this morning.

Today is a busy day at work. Catching up from the golf tournament.  I got my new program in and LOVE it! The reports are so cool and it looks easier to use than the old one. 

Well enough babbling about work. I have got to get back to it.

Well today is a lazy Sunday. All I am doing is the laundry and trying to clean up a little. Had a good day out and about with the hubby yesterday. We went shopping and I got a new purse.

I am trying to stick to my diet with staying home.  I am not feeling like working out, walking or anything. It doesn’t help that the hubby is not feeling good. Normally he is my motivator.

Anyway, I need to check on the clothes. Bye all. Sorry this was a short post.  

Well everyone is asking me how the golf tournament went so I thought I would write about it. It went off without a problem. Which was good but, I kind of secretly wanted there to be a problem so that she, my co-worker, would be knocked down a notch or two. But for the players and such I am glad it went well. I stuck to my diet at the stake dinner with mashed potatoes and green beans, I ate a big helping of the green beans and a small helping of the potatoes. And the stake was small so that was good.

I did not lose any this week and that doesn’t surprise me. I felt like I had gained because of my eating habits but I did not. So all together I have lost 7 lbs and my husband has gained 10. I guess I should feel bad and all cause he has gained but he is always picking on me about my weight so now I can pick on him (he does it all in fun… not in a bad way).

So on to my therapist today and then to see my doctor afterwards. Got to get my medicine refilled and can’t not go with out it (remember I am bi-polar). So I better sign off and start getting ready. I have about an hour before it is time for me to leave. Bye all.

Today is the big Golf Tournament and I am not looking forward to it. My co-worker who organized it… which I was suppose to do… long story… will be showing off today and being bossy because this is her “baby”. I can handle someone being proud of their work but showing off just “grinds my gears”.

Anyway, positive attitude it will all work out ok. It will be enjoyable and even maybe fun. I will met a lot of interesting people and things will be ok. (how does all that sound? sounds like I am trying to convince myself right?)

I hope everyone has a great day. I am gonna do my best to have one.

Well I am back at work. My mood is good even though it is cloudy, rainy and gloomy outside. I am taking an in depth look at myself this morning.

I have realized that everyone around me is a control freak. What does that say about me? Do I like to not be in control and like strong people around me or am I a wimp? I know that it aggravates me to have someone in control over me when they are not suppose to. Like my co-worker who thinks she is in control of everyone at the office. But my husband I can handle him being in control of things like the money cause it takes the pressure off of me. Sorry for the deep thoughts but that is where my mind is right now. Not on diet or exercise but on my life.

Are the people around you a reflexion of yourself or what you need to stay balanced. With co-workers you cannot control what they are like and you have to do your best to work with them even if you don’t want to. I get along with mine well most of the time but sometimes, when she is, as I call it, “showboating” it really aggravates me. We do have a good work  situation most of the time. With spouses and friends we do control who we pick…. or do we.. that is a whole new subject for another post but right now I am on a quest to discover why I surround myself with control freaks.

My husband is not as bad as my co-worker but he has his points. He likes to control the money which like I said is not a bad thing cause I don’t really want that responsibility. But his control over who we hang out with is a little frustrating at times.

Anyway, I digress into my thoughts and can’t help but contemplate myself today. Does anyone else wonder about the company they keep and what that says about themselves. Input on the subject would be nice. I am not looking for answers. I know you guys don’t have them but to know that others have these thoughts would be nice….to know that I am not just crazy in thinking things like this.

One other quick thought is…. my eating maybe a way to control something in my life. Do others use there eating to gain or exert  control?  This is yet another post all together. 

Today I am better. No more crying. My son made it home safe and I am happy for that.

Today is slow at work. My co-worker is going crazy getting ready for the golf event but I have nothing to do with that so it is slow on my part. All I have to do right now is answer the phone when and if it rings.

I started out this morning good. A banana and a protein bar for breakfast. I have tuna salad for lunch. So far so good, I had another piece of cheese cake last night. Oh well it will be gone when I get home tonight so no more temptation.

I really don’t have that much to talk about today and all the time I need to talk about nothing…. Isn’t that the way it goes: when I can blog I don’t have anything to say; when I can’t blog I have so much to say, oh well such is life I guess.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Today I have cried all morning. After two wonderful and fun weeks my son is going home. I cry every time I think about the fact that he will not be there when I get off work. I knew the entire time he was here that it was only temporary but it felt so good to have him around. Here I go crying as I write this.

I am starting over with my diet. I kind of blew it while he was here. But it was taking him out and letting him experience new things and I had to be a part of it. And my husband just about killed me last night when he bought a cheese cake. But I was proud I only had one piece while everyone else pigged out on it. So back to day 1 and back to the drawing board.

So for this week I am going to start working out again. Eating right and no snacking. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Mine will get better I know.

 I stated in the forum that I would post a picture of me and my son from the photo shoot we did for his graduation. Here it is …. I made it work. Isn’t he just so handsome. I am a proud Mama.